I love black thongs
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So gin and wine won't be happening again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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