Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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