i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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