Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
