i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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