I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
