i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
