I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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