Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
