You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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