I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, beer. Big fan.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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