Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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