i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
