i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
