mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
no you cant smoke seaweed
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
