i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
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I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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