we have pet lesbian snakes
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we're making bets on your personal life
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
