i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
