She said her name was "party"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
