You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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