You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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