i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
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Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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