omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
