By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
