woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What a dumb baby whore.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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