Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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