That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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