Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
