dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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