Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
