Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
