Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
