So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
