haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
