I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
