you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am available for nakedness
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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