why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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