I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My dick has a subreddit
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
