The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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