I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
