She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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