Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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