rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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