theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize