its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
