maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
