My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
