i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
