apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
