You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
