Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
