Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize