Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
