Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
