She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She needs sedatives and a leash
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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