i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
