As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
