i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
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