Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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