nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
