How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
