i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize