we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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