Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
