Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think I just sharted jello shots
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
