I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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